05-10-2005 | #1 |
I'm the alpha male
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Somewhere near you
Posts: 869
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How Raiden deals with @ssholes...
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it
out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please peak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too. I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front." "What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said. "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home every evening after five." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes?" "Don, you're an asshole." Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1. "Hello." "You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.) "Are you still there?" he asked. "Yeah," I said. "Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said. "Who are you?" he asked. "My name is Don Hansen." "Yeah? Where do you live?" "Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front." He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers." I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole." Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said. "Hello, asshole," I said. He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" I said. "I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed. I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover. Then I called Channel 13 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad cars, a police helicopter and a news crew. My idea of a fair fight is clubbing a baby seal over the head. ~Staff Sergeant Jack Coughlin U.S.M.C. Sniper |
05-10-2005 | #2 |
Ex-SS
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: In a place far, far away from here...
Posts: 997
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LMAO... that is one of the best stories I have ever read SIR!
The Defense Department regrets to inform you that your sons are dead because they were stupid. |
05-10-2005 | #3 |
Brew Master
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The Desert
Posts: 7,070
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That was pretty good...and I would believe that Raiden would do that....
Hello, Police....there are these crazy guys with Shaving Cream and Hot Dogs everywhere....yelling Kancho....can you please send a SWAT team over NOW!? "Give a man a beer, he'll waste an afternoon. But teach a man to brew, and he'll waste a lifetime!" |
05-10-2005 | #4 |
Posts: n/a
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My laughter was cut short by the [r]. I thought you had your own little quarentine.
Pretty good bud (Blitz). |
05-10-2005 | #5 | |
Brew Master
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: The Desert
Posts: 7,070
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Quote:
"Give a man a beer, he'll waste an afternoon. But teach a man to brew, and he'll waste a lifetime!" |
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05-17-2005 | #6 |
Registered User
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Ajax,Ontairio Canada
Posts: 96
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lmao that was awsome blitz.bigclap
SMOKE!!...... Are Your Smoking Yet? |
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